The Kitten Konundrum

The Kitten Konundrum is where people think the younger ones are so cute and adopt because of that, then discard the cat or dog once they become adults. This was far more common when I was growing up, but still happens today. It's sad that humans would adopt based on cuteness, and a very shallow idea of what's cute at that.

I prefer to adopt kittens over adults for one reason only, the kitten has an easier time adjusting their personality to suite me. I always plan on being with them for the long haul, until they grow old and die with a smile on their face for having lived a good life. This is one of the only two valid reasons to adopt kitten instead of an adult.

The second reason, and why I get as young as possible, is to delay the inevitable as long as possible. Cats and dogs have much shorter lifespans than we do, adopting only kittens a human could have five or six cats their entire life. It is hard to see them go, and was a reason I went without for so long before adopting Pepper.

Pepper is six years old now, that is no more than 14 years I get to spend with her. I am 39 years old now and will probably live another 40 years. Giving optimal health for Pepper, that's less than half my remaining life, which means I will have to deal with another best friend's death again. This is the reality I was considering when adopting, a reality I had prepared for before allowing myself the companion.

I suffer from depression, what that means is that I dwell on things, negative events stay in my focus longer and all problems become mountains to climb. Pepper offers a distraction for me, pulls me away from a problem long enough to regain focus and shed the frustration. In return I dote on her, giving her everything she needs and wants, as long as it won't endanger her health.

Today, Pepper has opened up a bit more. She no longer cowers when I reach to start petting her, which she was always a bit nervous at first. She knows I will accommodate her love for water straight from the faucet, even picking her up to set her next to it. She is eating a small amount of the canned food as well, she was afraid of it at first.

She doesn't go under the bed except to test if I am paying attention to her now. She comes right back out from under the bed when I call her. When I am at my table she sits in the windowsill where I can see her. I see her sitting up more often as opposed to the crouching position.

She lays out on the carpet a lot now, relaxed. When she first came, she would only lay in a ball or on her paws ready to bolt if threatened. The elevator is becoming more of a curiosity for her each day, I am hoping when we go to the vet it will be on a leash instead of putting her back into the cat carrier.

These adjustments are the hard part about adopting an adult cat, set in her ways and hurt in the past, she has to learn to trust again.

New Friends

A dog spent about three hours with us today, her name is Caramel. I was watching her for a neighbor while he had to go to an appointment. Based on my experience, people tend to be too pushy and expect nonhuman animals to make friends and get along much too fast, you really have to let them go at their own pace.

Caramel is very cat friendly, she even seems to understand them well. Pepper is not yet stranger friendly, but shows no difference between cat or dog. So I let Pepper observe from her perches, where she feels safest. Eventually she figured out that Caramel could not get onto the counter or windowsill and just watched from there.

Pepper won't claw anything, she hasn't even used her claws to defend herself yet, so I knew Caramel would be safe. When Caramel did have a chance to get near Pepper, my girl took a defensive posture, which is really just a glare with ears back, at the approaching stranger. Caramel sniffed for just a bit then backed away to explore more of the apartment.

That was it. Caramel is willing to be friends but also seems to know to give Pepper her space until she'd ready. I was in control of the situation, though I was allowing it to play out on it's own I could step in before either got hurt if one of them showed any aggressive behavior. That is the key to introduction, let them decide the speed.

Eventually the two will become friends or indifferent. Indifference must be acceptable, you cannot force friendships, but indifference can later become a friendship if they are not pushed together. Younger nonhuman animals tend to become friends much faster, and if they have only positive encounters with strangers the younger ones will be very friendly.

Older nonhuman animals tend to take a lot more time and patience if they have either had a lot of bad experiences, or no experiences to learn from. Pepper is the latter, she doesn't fear nonhuman animals at all, but has no idea what to think about them because her only exposure to strangers was at the shelter where it was a gambit if behaviors.

There is a chance an adult cat will always be a loner, they won't like any strange nonhuman animals, ever. These are also the ones quick to growl or scratch your hand if you ever pet another animal. So it is advisable to pet another nonhuman animal first, get their smell on your hand, then allow your friend to smell your hand.

How they react to this will tell you if they are capable of making friends. For Pepper it was curiosity and indifference, so I knew what to expect their first long encounter. This was why I did not mind watching Caramel at all, Pepper knew Caramel existed before meeting her and I knew Pepper's reaction as well.

All in all, it was a great experience for all of us, Caramel finally got to hang out with me, she has always been excited to see me in the lobby. Pepper got to watch and see what Caramel was about. I got to see enough Pepper's reactions to know her pace for future introductions.

In a few months I may be watching Caramel for a few days, it is possible they become best friends, based on their reactions to each other. Caramel has been around cats all her life, very positive experiences, which is why she understands them so well.

The Troubles of Anger and Punishment

So, Pepper got angry with me a few times now, one time it was beyond my control. I decided to touch on the subject of anger because of this. Humans show a wide variety of behaviors when we are angry, it is no different for the other animals. This makes it difficult to really understand when they are angry and for what reasons.

It is not always the last thing you do which makes them angry, maybe you moved their favorite place to sit in the sun last week and they just noticed because it's been cloudy since then. So you have to look for the cues, one common one is the isolation.

The nonhuman will almost always avoid the person they are angry with until they forget why they are angry. You must give them time to stop being angry before trying to apologize or they may take longer to forget they are angry. However, sometimes they get comfortable where they are don't let you know.

So, you check up on them once in a while, give them some small pets to let them know you are not angry with them, then let them have more time to themselves. Eventually that anger fades and they decide they want more attention, this is when they have accepted your apology and forget to be angry.

The other behaviors can be dangerous or destructive, and these you have to deal with delicately lest they learn them. Knocking pots off the shelves is one of the most common for cats, it's also one that will cost you a few plants. You have to ignore it, do not give them any attention when they do it, pretend they are not there.

It is also good to not clean it up until they are done with their tantrum, they most likely want to see you work. If you ignore the behavior well enough, and long enough, they give up and try something else. If you rush to clean it up and acknowledge the animal in any way, even punishment, then they will know they can get attention from it.

Another common one for both dogs and cats is the wild defecation. They seem to be doing it randomly, but it's not. It is premeditated, unless there is a medical condition. This is the most difficult one to deal with.

You have to clean up the mess, while not acknowledging the animal. Yes, this means not punishing them. If it is purposeful then it's because they want your attention, so giving them any attention of any type will, again, turn this into a learned behavior. This is the most difficult behavior to make them stop doing if they think they well get attention for it.

If it is a medical problem, you may want to make a vet appointment just in case on this one, then clean it up and let the animal know it's alright. They didn't do it on purpose you have to let them know they are not in trouble for it or they may get angry at you and start doing it even when it's not an accident, and then it becomes a learned behavior.

Sitting in your way is not out of anger, but it can be an apology. Sitting on a keyboard, your lap, or even in your path, is actually begging for attention. Both dogs and cats are notorious for this, and if they were angry a prior to this act, it is an apology from them.


Our human children do this as well, so if you have raised human kids, you know the technique already. Same idea here. Attention is everything to our young, and our domestic animals. It is more valuable than all the riches, and more important than even food. Though there are times when the domestic animals will not want attention, like my Pepper who prefers to mope away from me.

I do often see people fall into a cycle with domestic companions, one resembling abuse. The only real difference between this cycle and abuse is that it's not intentional. Never strike a domestic animal in any way, it will turn into a cycle of them being angry and misbehaving for more attention and considering punishment as acceptable attention.

Anyone who has rescued abuse and mistreated animals can tell you, the cycle takes more time to break than bad habits. You have to spoil the animal rotten for a very long time to get them out of that cycle. So don't start the cycle. Ignoring them is the only real punishment that they understand, especially when they want affections. To them, any attention is better than no attention.

Pepper's Tests of Courage

Living in subsidized housing, we have to put up with a lot of crap fueled by stereotypes. One of the most annoying is this idiotic notion that, just because we're poor, we don't know how to take care of "pests."

I use quotes because the real pests are mostly human. Anyhow, they had this bug sniffing dog inspection, supposedly to find bed bugs. I had to take Pepper out of the apartment, and she didn't want to this time. Needless to say, she had a problem with strange humans. One of them said something about avoiding the dog, I informed him "it's not strange dogs she's scared of, it's strange humans in a place she doesn't command."

To her, inside her home she is safest, so even if a stranger comes into the apartment, she doesn't worry about it. But out of the apartment she feels like she is not in control and gets nervous. Luckily she doesn't panic, instead she tries hard to get back into the apartment. I took her into the laundry room during the inspection, the dog seems to need to focus or something, sounds like a lot of woo woo to me.

She was a bit worried, it was easy to see as she kept wanting to go back home, but the sounds of the air vent distracted her a bit as her curiosity kicked in. When they were finally finished she went straight into the apartment and checked out what was moved or changed. Finally satisfied she rested a bit then was almost back to her usual self.

She was angry with me most of the night though, though I could not have avoided it I understood and did what I could to show she was okay. The stress made her vomit once she calmed down too, this time she knew she wasn't in trouble and just watched me clean it up.

All in all, she handled the situation well. They say bad things happen in threes, this month it has been four, but only because they upset Pepper most. The latest will set back her getting use to the harness a bit, but now she knows the most important lesson ever:

Pepper will always be coming back to the same home from now on.